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It is Saturday morning - the morning that I try to listen to NPR - that horrible liberal radio station which has certainly poisoned my mind, and is slowly morphing me into a liberal thinker - the ultimate curse.

I will surely be interrupted multiple times by phone calls, and an adult daughter or two - needing to talk about where the clean laundry was deposited - or some other crisis.

Saturday morning NPR is my laughter source - something dearly lacking in my life right now - and the therapeutic effect of Car Talk and Wait Wait Don't Tell Me - are a sure bet for a chuckle.

I am sitting at the dining room table, surrounded by piles of stuff that should have been put away sometime during the past week, but weren't. And that would be because I just didn't care about neatness this week.

I cared about getting through the next day - which is pretty much how each week goes - I have found myself living - towards the future - like - when I get through Saturday the 3rd - I'll be able to relax and enjoy life. Unfortunately - Saturday the 3rd is in the year 2030.

Lest you get too concerned about my mental state - I have an appointment with a counselor on Wed. - My dear sis suggested that I am clinically depressed - and so I am going to find out. I am sad, I am sad that we moved to the Atlanta area after 20+years in Florida - and wanting to move here for at least half of that time, and now that we are here - I am sad. Not sad that we moved, but sad that we HAD to move. That we had to leave a church that no longer "liked" my dear husband, and totally awesome shepherd. That after we agreed to leave, 3/4 of the congregation left the church and the 1/4 that are still there - well I don't know what they are thinking. Did they get what they wanted? Are they satisfied that smiting the shepherd and scattering the sheep was in the best interest of advancing God's kingdom. Or am I just still so hurt that I can't see the good in the bad?

I am sad that my friends all live too far away - too far to call and say - "meet me at Starbucks" I need a friend right now.

I am sad the Elizabeth leaves on Monday - for her last year of college - in Indiana - and that this was the best summer we have had together. I am sad that she has not made me totally nuts and relieved that she is returning to the midwest waste land........who would CHOOSE to live in Indiana?

I am sad that Evangeline busted her butt to finish a difficult tech program and now cannot find a job. That her life's love is so disadvantaged that he can't provide for her - financially, emotionally or spiritually, that she has to live in our home- and depend on us for her life. I am sad that Wesley doesn't have a daddy that lives with him, and that he is saddled with a crabby Nana that is sad.

I am sad that I drive an hour to get to my office, at a job which I should love, but I don't because I just don't.

I am sad that I hear through the grapevine the goings on of my past friends - who I still love and want to talk to, and maybe even see, who I would travel great lengths to visit, but who don't come to see me, and don't stop on their way through the area as they travel.....were they my friends because they loved me, or because the friendship at the time was convienient - and that maybe I wasn't the friend that would sustain them. that is a lot of pressure to put on someone - and I am sad about that too.
YIKES - this is a SAD post !!