Faking it

What would it look like if I were out of the pit -
Well - I am really not sure - actually - I had a brain jog about that very thought - yesterday - I thought to myself - what if I wasn't in such a "funk" - what would I be doing -
I am a doing person - my tombstone will read - Why are you standing there - you know the next right thing to do -Now go and do it. My girls have promised that they will see that this is the way it is. In fact - when I asked them if I needed to write this wish of mine down - and put it in a safe place - so they would know what to have printed on that slab of concrete - Elizabeth ASSURED me - that they would not forget that line - they have heard it a ka zillion times...........
So back to the doing thing - I would make the curtain for the curtainless window - which would mean finding the foot pedal for the sewing machine and setting it up - finding an iron - I own 3 or 4 - and threading the machine and...........well you get the picture.
AND so - this morning - I popped out of bed - well - not really popped - but did get my bones out of the bed - and headed downstairs to the newly - re-cleaned out - space that has been designated my work area. I found an iron - still in it's unopened box - and the controls to the 26 year old Kenmore, and the fabric - which had been spread out on the sofa down there for a couple of months - just making sure that it would look okay in that room - and proceeded to move towards this doing that I would be doing if I wasn't so sad - not unhappy - sad - and there is a difference - and if I am the only one who thinks there is - that is fine with me - cause I am the one thinking this.
I realize that the scenario for not sadness is not complete unless I am listening to something, as this is also part of the not sad activity - I am not a silence person - silence is too noisy - which will become the content for another post. I knew where the cassette tapes were - cassettes from the 1970 and 80's - and so reached in the bin of about 50 of them - and retreived a Key Life relic. Steve Brown is one of the most honest and gut wrenchingly transparent teachers that I have ever known, and it has been an activity which I find great comfort in, to listen to his voice, and soak in his words......like a loud speaker straight from the edge of the pearly gates. Would you believe (I know you will - cause you know God works in strange and mysterious ways) - the tape was from his Wednesday night teachings on JOB !!!!!!!!! A paranthetical thought is that JOB could also aliterate - Janice OR Bob - anyway - it seemed appropriate - that I would listen to an hour (two sides) of Job - while sewing a curtain, ironing on the floor - as I couldn't find the ironing board, and faking my good mood - Steve has been heard to say - fake it til you make it.
The curtain looks great !! And my mood is better - not giving all of the credit to the fake it part - but it didn't hurt.
It also hasn't hurt that so many of my dear old friends have written, commented or called - and reconnected with me, resurrecting awesome memories, some happy and some sad, but all special and rich and part of the fabric of who I am, and am becoming. Just check out the comments.

Thank-you - and go get Beth Moore's out of the pit book.........it is fabulous. And thank-you Ken - the movie was SO funny - I laughed hard, and see reaching the beach and Cannes as a metaphor for Bob and my journey - all of the mishaps, misunderstandings, missteps and missed opporunities - you still get to the beach - and we will celebrate it with all of the fervor of Mr. Bean.